hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
