...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
