Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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