All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
