Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize