sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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