you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
