There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
