You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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