I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
