If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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