i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
