tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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