i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
