If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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