I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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