Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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