dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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