If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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