Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
