i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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