Sry I called you an 8
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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