I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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