I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
