you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
