how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
