Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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