I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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