I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Small penises have feelings too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
