Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
