I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
