He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
