I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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