Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
