My liver just broke up with me...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
