I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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