I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
