i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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