So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize