...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize