I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
