So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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