I hate your face
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
