you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
