Little spoons don't ask big questions
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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