The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
