he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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