k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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