turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
