so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
