Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
