all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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