I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
