bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
