just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
