1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
