If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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