girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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