We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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