Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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