You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
