So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
