Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
