Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
