Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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