ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
