another moral hangover. fuck.
i barfeds in our rink
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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