I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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