i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
