I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
