Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
