My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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